Yearly Archives - 2021

30Dec

Share with Debbie

Sharing your experience with others gives them the courage to share theirs too and the opportunity to resonate with your story. People may feel secluded, intimidated or afraid to talk about their experiences, but seeing someone else do it with such confidence, gives them a sense of ease. Are you a military spouse or personnel? Do you have any story or experience you would like to share with Debbie? Your stories and experiences are assured of utmost confidentiality and anonymity. You may send to info@debbiescamoaffair.com  

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27Dec

Blossom and Grow

  In the beginning, most of us think that marriage would be easy, (which is usually the first mistake) .The second mistake is, believing earnestly that anyone could be married to a service personnel if they wanted to. Personally, I honestly believed that love and grit were the only necessary components of a lasting military marriage. In hind sight, I look at long-term military spouses with nothing less than awe. To weather decades as a military spouse is truly an incredible feat. One has to be flexible, tolerant, resilient and extroverted or at least social enough to fool the different people you are regularly thrown in with. At the core of a military marriage, particularly from the non-serving spouses, is an all encompassing and unwavering sacrifice, capacity to manage the home singlehandedly and the acceptance that you may be sidelined in social situations.  Ours is a life of courage, being out of our comfort zones and conquering despite the odds and everyday complications. Most of us have likely shared this thought; what in the world is going on at the twists, turns and unrelenting speed with which military life happens to us.  Interestingly, one thing i am sure of, that isn't a mistake in your military spouse experience is that couples who manage to maintain strong, healthy relationships over long periods deserve unadulterated respect. Apparently, it is those who put up with the rain that behold a bright and blossoming rainbow.

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26Dec

Realistically…

Oh your Oga is not around? How long has he been gone for? He doesn’t come around for weekends? I thought they allow them to go and visit their families on weekends no... It’s well oo; but come oo, how have you been coping? I doubt if there is any military spouse who is not familiar with these lines. From the military community, you hear things like, good morning Ma, how are the children? Hope you are hearing from Oga? Where is he serving now? I personally appreciate the care and concern that come with these questions, what I find puzzling is the context of how are you coping that I always get. I have wondered sometimes if this is perhaps how I am coping with the loneliness or maybe the workload of family life and work generally or the conjugal aspect of my life. Truth is, you find yourself adjusting to the changes however slow or quickly they come. There is no manual for military spousal life, no hacks and quite frankly, very few straightforward ways of navigating it. The uncertainties and loneliness can be really hard to deal with and more often, most of us in a bid to be strong and not fail at keeping the home front, attempt different ventures and oh boy, a lot of us have succeeded. I have personally failed at most of the ventures I took on but, I got the point where I realized that, those were not for me and I was bound to fail regardless of what I did or didn’t do. Most times. takes someone else’s intervention to understand this; one thing I know is that everyone needs help in some type of way and being able to help out makes you feel like you are here for some reason. At the heart of success for a military spouse in my opinion is community- church/mosque, outdoor activities for the kids, school, organizing and participation in community outreaches, sports etc and ours is a journey with a responsibility that demands us raising kids while our serving partners are away. From watching our partners adjust to the demands of their job, we also adjust to having or not having them around and simply do our marriage(s) by correspondence as best as we can. It takes me about a week to get used to the fact of my husband’s absence and less than a...

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26Dec

Complicated? Maybe not.

There is a special fascination about military life, particularly with regards family. Being married to a military spouse is not exactly how most of us think it is. Ours is a life of courage, constant pushing and stepping out of our comfort zone; conquering despite the odds and living above the weight that constantly pushes against you. No one is prepared adequately for it; young, new, eager, and quite frankly naïve is how we all get in. Most spouses are desperate to prepare for what lies ahead but truth be told, no stories, forums and or journals are adequate for this new life. Military life can be very stressful on families; long hours in the office/units, the toll of mental and physical injuries on the service member, the frequent moves and long separations all add up to the reality of what the life entails. The stress imposed on the children of military parents leaves such children isolated and may leave them often choosing to be by themselves or at least this has been my youngest son’s coping mechanism. These kids need resources within the community including friends, sporting activities, church or mosque, awareness on the part of the school system, openness by their teachers etc to be accommodated and helped in coping with the absence and whatever stress they may be experiencing. Guard up dear circumstantial single parent to learn on the job, to make mistakes, to get really sad and frustrated as it is a life filled with twists, turns, peaks, valleys and of course an unrelenting and overpowering speed. The strong women before us, we and the generation after us will most likely share this thought ‘what in the world is going on’ multiple times on this path of our lives but having accepted of your own volition to be with a man in camo, find it in your heart to simplify the complicated life.

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11Apr

Guard up with a guide

  It is no news that the uncertainties of the job and it's demands, turn to be a thief of time, happiness and memories. Rather than enjoy your honeymoon, you may likely be helping out with packing to return back to unit, course, deployment or posting. You may as well be lucky and enjoy your new marital life for a good amount of time before your solo marital life kicks off. Whenever the separation between you and your service spouse happens, and however distraught you get, remember to get a photocopy of his identity card, a good number of his passport photographs, memorize his service number and maybe write it out somewhere. It's your responsibility to know your spouse's corp, unit and where he's currently serving. It would be a plus, if you obtain your gate pass and Part Two Order of your marriage before your service spouse departs, especially as a new couple, in a new barracks.   No two military separations are the same, but the similarities are many, and it's easy to relate to each experience. Some separations are more dramatic and quicker than others. You are thus ushered into your full military spouse life; naive, sad, unprepared and somewhat confused and clearly tasked with the responsibility of keeping the home front.   Be kind to yourself, as you are sure going to make mistakes, fall into the wrong company of new friends and maybe second guess your decision of marrying a service personnel. The good news is this; things stabilize slowly, and surely get better.  

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