It Gets Better.

Does it get better, or is it you who gets stronger? As the life you probably ‘prepared’ for starts to unfold and you try to have a grasp of its speed, twists and turns; you would observe the different ways that the other military spouses around you have adapted to survive. Some women form prayer groups that meet up at slated times to pray for their serving spouses and other matters of importance to them. A few women go right back to their parents and or to their in-laws at the mention of deployment, especially deployments to the North-east. Others form ‘gist’ or gossip groups which is normal in any human community, where they ‘gist’ by saying mean things about others, and it becomes gossip when others say mean things about them. They ‘know’ all the juicy half-truths and quarter lies about everything and everyone; spreading the half-truths is the objective of such groups. There are yet some who simply neglect all forms of interaction and stay in their houses; secluded. Others interact at community level with their immediate neighbor’s when the loneliness bites hard, while some others simply throw caution to the wind in their interactions.

Should you decide to stay back, loneliness would be your friend; you’d know it like the back of your hand while you experience a range of other challenges, particularly as a greenhorn in the barracks. On the flip side, you would familiarize and adjust quicker, as you also cash in on your greatest asset; the other women in your new life. With a focused mind, you’d realize there’s more to life than waiting around for your husband to make it back from his deployment, while you languish in loneliness. This mindset has been the birth of the many thriving ventures of military wives.  I’d like to think that whichever coping tactic a person takes is fine provided no one is hurt; or at least not too badly.

On a personal note, interactions for the first 3 years began from a place of ‘denial’ to ‘researcher’ (I read every printed material, can’t say what I was looking for), to community level interaction where I met an awesome arguing partner (may God rest her soul), we argued most times till late in the night, about what I don’t seem to remember now.

I had been married for 5 months, with a two and half month pregnancy when the first deployment came. It was the scariest time of my life. My husband left 3 days after he got the signal and I was left to navigate my life. I have my husband’s Co, Maj J, Maj O (nobody makes moimoi like you ma), BB’s family Lt U and Lcpl N to thank for their assistance during this time. For 7 months, all I did was pray, attend antenatal clinic, cry, eat fufu and wait for my husband’s call. Hearing him from the other end of the phone was all I lived for; absolutely surreal.

He was away throughout the pregnancy, luckily got home around my 39th week and a day before our first anniversary, we welcomed our first child and he left shortly afterwards. It’s pretty obvious that as a new mom, you assume the role of junior researcher, you understudy and take a lot of lessons. My community level interactions blossomed during this period and I must say that everyone around was willing to help.

Between my 4th and 5th years, I joined a prayer group and girl, it was and still is the real deal; totally worth it. The roles of religion and spirituality whatever one’s prior opinions are better appreciated at such times. We prayed how we felt; some uttered nothing audible, others cried throughout the session and some others screamed. In the end, God answered all our requests. At the moment, I pray with my kids only most times in a bid to explore the zero interaction experience, although it doesn’t look like my kind of thing, but I feel there’s only one way of finding out.