Stories

15Jan

There is such a time in every military wife’s life when her husband is either in the field, on course, foreign posting or exercise. The wife doubles as the father and mother to the children and she'll have to manage everything all by herself including emergencies at night; she drives herself to the hospital for the delivery of her new born baby and the husband may not even witness the christening of the baby. There are times emotions set in and you want to cry eloquently about your problems to your faraway husband and you suddenly remember he needs to be mentally stable to be able to discharge his duties amid difficulties and danger, and you gently remind yourself his primary assignment is to protect the country while the protection of his wife and children is secondary. There is always the fear looming at the back of her mind over her husband’s safety, the inevitable long wait for his safe return is always a test of patience. A soldier does not fight to win battles but he fights to get back home and some of them may never get back home, may never have the privilege to bid their family farewell. Happy Armed Forces Remembrance Day to our fallen heroes.     Fagoyinbo Adenike Lydia.

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13Jan

We Salute Your Selflessness And Sacrifice.

Today, like many other days, we remember the sacrifices of the brave men and women of the Armed Forces of Nigeria, most of whom have laid down their lives for God and country. Your sacrifices are not in vain and it is in your honour that we hold this yearly to remember your selflessness, service, loyalty and patriotism. The ideals of selflessness are still observed today as our servicemen and women fulfil their duty to our dear nation. The challenges of banditry, herdsmen clashes, ‘unknown gun men’ and the scourge of terrorism still looms but, we seek to defeat such threats in our country drawing upon the experience and example of those who have gone before us. We are free and would most certainly enjoy freedom into the future generations because of the sacrifices made by our military predecessors deployed in different operations and missions across Nigeria and indeed Africa. We commend your consistency of putting country first before self that has been passed down to this generation and would be handed over to the next. Today we remember not only the service given but also the service that veterans continue to give within our society. Whilst it is saddening to see families of fallen heroes neglected and uncared for, it is equally sad hearing about attacks on retired service men. Perhaps, if we value the sacrifices given by our veterans, and recognize the value they still offer to our society, then our societies will better take care of the interests of our heroes. We have a responsibility to remember the fallen, it is right that we honour the memories of those who have lost their lives and offer thanks for the loyalty, service, and sacrifice of those who have fought for the freedoms we enjoy today- We salute you.   Photo Credit: IBI Foundation

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10Jan

A charming Knight In Shining Armour

Military weddings are a spectacle to behold, with lasting visuals images imprinted in the minds of all guests. The military bands’ rendition jostle’s most guests as each rhythm and crescendo goes off and you may wish they never stop playing. Regardless of the type of wedding solemnization a service member chooses to contract, the bridegroom and their guests enjoy a state of the art military parade as prescribed for such an occasion. Personally, I would like to think that the icing on the cake for military weddings is the sword party; where the newly wedded, the bridal train and the parents of the bridegroom exit the building where the marriage was celebrated into a formation of officers lined facing each other, with swords raised and crossed above them in an arch and the blades almost touching each other as they walk through, with a swarm of other guests watching on the other end. The colour blend of the ceremonial dresses at a military wedding is the brightest and most colourful scene, after the rainbow. The military groom is indeed a knight in shining armour. He is decked in a pair of clear, high gloss, long lasting mirror shined toe caps, looking truly elegant and sophisticated. Adorned on a brightly coloured ceremonial dress (colour may differ, depending on arm of service), ornamented with lanyard, a shoulder piece used as insignia for rank ,a bright colour sash, lampasse on the side of the trouser, a peek cap almost concealing his face and a sword hanging by his waist. He is gracefully charmed and perfect looking. This charm is such that you cannot wait to be taken home to begin your happily ever after journey. You could barely contain your excitement, while your family, friends, and well-wishers enjoy the glitz and glamour and admire with expressive approval.  You can be rest assured that your prim and fault-finding aunties would approve too. Your fecund imagination runs wild with ideas about the home you'd build together and the memories you'd make. Indeed, nothing compares to this celebration, it feels surreal. The jewel in the crown of your fantasies is here, a moment to cherish forever. At the wedding reception, the bridegroom cuts their cake with a sword presented to the groom on behalf of the President and Commander in-chief, thereafter the bride is led to conduct the military band among other funfair. As the reception winds off,...

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30Dec

Share with Debbie

Sharing your experience with others gives them the courage to share theirs too and the opportunity to resonate with your story. People may feel secluded, intimidated or afraid to talk about their experiences, but seeing someone else do it with such confidence, gives them a sense of ease. Are you a military spouse or personnel? Do you have any story or experience you would like to share with Debbie? Your stories and experiences are assured of utmost confidentiality and anonymity. You may send to info@debbiescamoaffair.com  

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27Dec

Blossom and Grow

  In the beginning, most of us think that marriage would be easy, (which is usually the first mistake) .The second mistake is, believing earnestly that anyone could be married to a service personnel if they wanted to. Personally, I honestly believed that love and grit were the only necessary components of a lasting military marriage. In hind sight, I look at long-term military spouses with nothing less than awe. To weather decades as a military spouse is truly an incredible feat. One has to be flexible, tolerant, resilient and extroverted or at least social enough to fool the different people you are regularly thrown in with. At the core of a military marriage, particularly from the non-serving spouses, is an all encompassing and unwavering sacrifice, capacity to manage the home singlehandedly and the acceptance that you may be sidelined in social situations.  Ours is a life of courage, being out of our comfort zones and conquering despite the odds and everyday complications. Most of us have likely shared this thought; what in the world is going on at the twists, turns and unrelenting speed with which military life happens to us.  Interestingly, one thing i am sure of, that isn't a mistake in your military spouse experience is that couples who manage to maintain strong, healthy relationships over long periods deserve unadulterated respect. Apparently, it is those who put up with the rain that behold a bright and blossoming rainbow.

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26Dec

Realistically…

Oh your Oga is not around? How long has he been gone for? He doesn’t come around for weekends? I thought they allow them to go and visit their families on weekends no... It’s well oo; but come oo, how have you been coping? I doubt if there is any military spouse who is not familiar with these lines. From the military community, you hear things like, good morning Ma, how are the children? Hope you are hearing from Oga? Where is he serving now? I personally appreciate the care and concern that come with these questions, what I find puzzling is the context of how are you coping that I always get. I have wondered sometimes if this is perhaps how I am coping with the loneliness or maybe the workload of family life and work generally or the conjugal aspect of my life. Truth is, you find yourself adjusting to the changes however slow or quickly they come. There is no manual for military spousal life, no hacks and quite frankly, very few straightforward ways of navigating it. The uncertainties and loneliness can be really hard to deal with and more often, most of us in a bid to be strong and not fail at keeping the home front, attempt different ventures and oh boy, a lot of us have succeeded. I have personally failed at most of the ventures I took on but, I got the point where I realized that, those were not for me and I was bound to fail regardless of what I did or didn’t do. Most times. takes someone else’s intervention to understand this; one thing I know is that everyone needs help in some type of way and being able to help out makes you feel like you are here for some reason. At the heart of success for a military spouse in my opinion is community- church/mosque, outdoor activities for the kids, school, organizing and participation in community outreaches, sports etc and ours is a journey with a responsibility that demands us raising kids while our serving partners are away. From watching our partners adjust to the demands of their job, we also adjust to having or not having them around and simply do our marriage(s) by correspondence as best as we can. It takes me about a week to get used to the fact of my husband’s absence and less than a...

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26Dec

Complicated? Maybe not.

There is a special fascination about military life, particularly with regards family. Being married to a military spouse is not exactly how most of us think it is. Ours is a life of courage, constant pushing and stepping out of our comfort zone; conquering despite the odds and living above the weight that constantly pushes against you. No one is prepared adequately for it; young, new, eager, and quite frankly naïve is how we all get in. Most spouses are desperate to prepare for what lies ahead but truth be told, no stories, forums and or journals are adequate for this new life. Military life can be very stressful on families; long hours in the office/units, the toll of mental and physical injuries on the service member, the frequent moves and long separations all add up to the reality of what the life entails. The stress imposed on the children of military parents leaves such children isolated and may leave them often choosing to be by themselves or at least this has been my youngest son’s coping mechanism. These kids need resources within the community including friends, sporting activities, church or mosque, awareness on the part of the school system, openness by their teachers etc to be accommodated and helped in coping with the absence and whatever stress they may be experiencing. Guard up dear circumstantial single parent to learn on the job, to make mistakes, to get really sad and frustrated as it is a life filled with twists, turns, peaks, valleys and of course an unrelenting and overpowering speed. The strong women before us, we and the generation after us will most likely share this thought ‘what in the world is going on’ multiple times on this path of our lives but having accepted of your own volition to be with a man in camo, find it in your heart to simplify the complicated life.

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11Apr

Guard up with a guide

  It is no news that the uncertainties of the job and it's demands, turn to be a thief of time, happiness and memories. Rather than enjoy your honeymoon, you may likely be helping out with packing to return back to unit, course, deployment or posting. You may as well be lucky and enjoy your new marital life for a good amount of time before your solo marital life kicks off. Whenever the separation between you and your service spouse happens, and however distraught you get, remember to get a photocopy of his identity card, a good number of his passport photographs, memorize his service number and maybe write it out somewhere. It's your responsibility to know your spouse's corp, unit and where he's currently serving. It would be a plus, if you obtain your gate pass and Part Two Order of your marriage before your service spouse departs, especially as a new couple, in a new barracks.   No two military separations are the same, but the similarities are many, and it's easy to relate to each experience. Some separations are more dramatic and quicker than others. You are thus ushered into your full military spouse life; naive, sad, unprepared and somewhat confused and clearly tasked with the responsibility of keeping the home front.   Be kind to yourself, as you are sure going to make mistakes, fall into the wrong company of new friends and maybe second guess your decision of marrying a service personnel. The good news is this; things stabilize slowly, and surely get better.  

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